That dripping water will be steam in three…two…one…
Something told me I shouldn’t go running that day – quad-pull notwithstanding (that’s another story in itself). I figured 5 weeks was enough time to heal. It’s a 3 mile route that takes me alongside the banks of the Snake River…beautiful.
There is always something to see on the bottoms. I do a “track check” on the trail to see what I may possibly be sharing my trail with that day – deer, moose, and (yikes) a cougar are among the tracks I’ve seen on different days. This day I saw an enormous track that could only be a moose. OK, then…moose alert, I tell myself – no problem….just keep your eyes open. Seen enough of them to know they’re fast, but just keep your distance and watch closely…oh, and don’t do anything that’ll tick ‘em off…like, ohhhh, I don’t know….breathing?
Well, almost to the riverbank I see an enormous and gorgeous water snake and true-to-form, I go after it (cuz snakes are COOL and I LOVE ‘em). So I’m chasing this snake and it’s naturally headed for the water. It’s faster than me this time (only because I’m still sorta nursing a bad leg) and it slips into the water just as I grab for its tail…then I hear a splashy sound ahead of me…
Oh, CRAP…I forgot…the moose…
So there she is – in the middle of the river, about 50 yards away – and we are having a stare down…and her ears are flicking. I’m watching closely (and DANG….breathing)…the keeping my distance part of the moose-alert was history, thanks to a water snake that I’m convinced planned it all with the moose.
I’m backing up slowly and figuring an escape route from the corner of my eye, while casting about for a poking stick (I know, I know, but it might slow her down a little bit before totally unleashing Hell’s Fury…at least I might get a whack in before being stomped ‘til there’s nothing left but eyeballs and tennis shoes).
She starts giving me the moose-eye (a kind of eyes-rolled-back sideways stare… not something you want to see a moose do, trust me).
And her ears are not flicking anymore…
They’re laid back…
UH-OH…
Did you know moose make a sort of a wet snot-laden sounding whumpff and their lips kinda flap when they’re pissed off?
Me either.
The flappy-lip-thing would have been funny if she hadn’t been trotting at me with that flappy-lip-thing going on.
What sticks in my mind (as I’m putting a tree between us before she hits shore) is she was blowing smoke – OK, it was prolly water – but I’m convinced Satan or the snake was riding her. I scramble up a cottonwood dead-fall that, thankfully, was first, not so big around I couldn’t jump up on it, and second was propped against another cottonwood at a scalable angle…I hear her behind me, and I’m praying that moose don’t climb trees…the prayer went like this,
“Oh god oh god oh god”
OK….I’ve been treed by a moose….now what? It seemed like hours (prolly only minutes) when her obsessive, foot-stomping, snot-blowing, Hell-spawned temper tantrum below me was interrupted by…LAUGHTER.
Gods…can it GET any worse?? A drift boat full of fly-fishers dropping anchor…to enjoy the show, from the choking sounds emanating from that direction. Fortunately for me, that was enough…she trotted off, blowing smoke and boogers…
I was lucky…just a few scrapes, and a lot of humiliation. There is nothing worse than a frustrated moose during rut… Ol’ Witch needs to maybe change her attitude if she wants a little moose-love…sheesh….no wonder…
